What a great quote a woman in my emotional intelligence class shared “Every penny adds up to a dollar” – the sales translation used when we were talking about tolerations.
What is a toleration? To quote the people who introduce me to the concept, Scott Blanchard and Madeleine Homan, in their book Leverage Your Best Ditch the Rest
“Tolerations are the seemingly inconsequential little things that drain away your energy.”
The book then goes on with “Thomas Leonard, a trailblazer in the coaching profession, coined the word to describe all the little stuff that takes up mental space and distracts us from the task at hand. Tolerations have a way of accumulating like barnacles on the hull of a ship. A few are not a problem, but layers of them seriously impede the vessel’s speed and seaworthiness.”
When I’m coaching inside salespeople, we talk about the things that make them role their eyes – either metaphorically OR in real life. That is a good indication you are tolerating something.
The woman in the class, looked at it as she has a budget of how much she can take. On a good day, only a few pennies are add (although some things may cost a quarter). Once she reaches a dollar – no more in the budget means she can’t tolerate ONE MORE PENNY. Ever have days like that?
Is there a solution? Yes, but just because it’s simple, doesn’t make it easy!
- Make a list of everything that you are holding onto that makes you role your eyes (don’t cheat while you’re writing and say “well that isn’t a big deal” WRITE IT DOWN)
** cross off anything that the act of writing it down has eliminated the eye rolling (sometimes it is admitting it bugged you, others seem silly next to the rest of the list, etc) **
- Highlight any situation on the list you (not someone else – you) can change. Decide what you are really willing to do – and do it.
- Now for the rest – the stuff you can’t change.
** add, there are things in my life I can’t change to your list – if reading that made you role your eye**
Believe you can control YOURSELF and your feelings. I warned you it wasn’t going to be easy. You have a couple options: continue on the way you’re going OR work on letting go of the negative vibe around the situation.
Safety Tip: letting go of a negative vibe IS NOT the same as accepting someone else’s behavior as being ok.
What am I talking about? Well a really good friend of mine use to tell me “because you forgive someone, doesn’t mean you are going to let them do it to you again”.
If it helps, use that concept to let go of the negative vibe and then figure out if you have a way to control the future outcome of a similar situation. If the answer is yes – see step 2.
It might help to scroll down, register, log in, and share your tolerations here.
If and when you get stuck and it is something you really want to eliminate from your life, it is time to find a coach to help you. Someone who will ask you tough questions and allow you to come up with solutions that will work for you.